Finding Acceptence

This post is a tricky one for me. I would love to tell you that home is the place I’m completely accepted but I don’t think that’s really true.

It’s the place where I can mostly be myself and be understood.

I just don’t feel I can completely be myself when I’m home. I find myself sneaking around at times, nervous that I might get caught in one of my guilty pleasures. Before your mind starts racing to devious stuff, it’s nothing like that. 😉

I can’t just watch a game when I want to watch a game. I need to make sure all of the household tasks are dealt with before that’s allowed. I’m at that age where I should be able to do what I want to do.

I need to be aware of how much time I spend online or playing with my smartphone. It’s weird, if I spent an hour reading the newspaper I wouldn’t hear a thing but if I spend an hour cleaning up my Google Reader newsfeeds, that’s a waste of time. I can go blue in the face trying to explain it but it never seems to sink in.

My online personna is a bit of a contrast from my regular one. I am told by Mrs. Mac that I share too much of myself with the outside world, either via Facebook or any of the blogging I do. I once blogged under my full name, now I’ve had to adopt this pen name. Mrs Mac isn’t even aware of this little blog. I don’t feel I could share it with her because she wouldn’t understand why I’m even pursuing it.

I guess my online existence is in direct contrast to my regular self. I tend to be very unexpressive and I like to keep things to myself. I am not a verbal being but I do find it easy to communicate my thoughts & feelings with written words.

I would love to be one of those people that was an open book. I would love to put it all out there for all to see. No secrets, no litttle white lies, just 100% Mac. Sadly, I’m not able to pull that off.

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