Recovering Trust

Recovering trust is something that does not come easily to me.  I happen to be a very trusting person when it comes to life and I have to admit I don't forgive easily when I feel I'm let down.

Whether it's a person or an idea, I take the feeling of betrayal quite seriously.  It's weird because I am able to let most things slide by without getting stressed out but when I feel like I'm let down because of a breech of trust I really have difficulty getting over it.


A large part of this hang up most likely has to do with my father leaving me and my sister when we were 4 and 3 years old.  Instead of sticking around and trying to figure things out with my Mom on how to care for the two of us, he did the mature thing and bolted across country, leaving her high and dry.  Scumbag!

We didn't really hear from him again until my sister (who is 16 months younger than me) turned 18; up until then there were no phone calls, no letters, no cards on our birthdays.  He was completely absent from our childhood and I've got a real tough time getting over that one.  Once we were both of legal age, he made an effort to get back in touch with both of us, but neither of us has been really interested in anything more than a casual acquaintance.

I've been very lucky in my love life that I've never been stung by anyone.  Part of that has to do with the fact that I'm very guarded and I don't let people get close to me easily.  I never really had a serious relationship before Mrs. Mac, who's been wonderful to me over the 20 years we've been together.  I trust her completely and I really couldn't fathom her betraying me.  I know I would be devastated if that were to happen.

I always try to see things from all angles (although Mrs. Mac will accuse me of being a contrarian to a fault) and I really do try to give people the benefit of the doubt on their decisions.  For whatever reason I really struggle to trust someone after they've screwed me.

I know to forgive is the best gift there is, and I'm able to do that.  I just don't have the ability to forget and unfortunately I don't have that ability to trust someone after they've burned me. 

Mark that one down as character flaw #367. 
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